Crime Blotter

Hey, everybody! Welcome back to the Crime Blotter, where stalking is now a competitive sport! I’d like begin this week’s entry with a new feature: The Douchebag of the Week Award. This week’s award goes to a German couple whose entrepreneurial spirit is equaled only by their total lack of human decency and common sense. The douchebags in question are in hot water with authorities after listing their newborn son for auction on EBay for a whopping one euro, which translates to about $1.57. Can you say douchebag? I can! I’d hope that if my parents had ever decided to try and sell me on EBay, they’d at least have the courtesy to sell me for more than a euro. How insulting! I’m sure I’d fetch at least 5 bucks. Unless they were selling in bulk, like a “Buy four kids, get one half off” type of deal, in which case, I guess I’d have to take what I could get. Hey, speaking of taking what you can get, the Crime Blotter is where each week, we take a look at Brooklyn’s villains, good guys, victims, dumb asses and straight up crazies. After the jump: Family Fraud!

Aloha, Crime Fans, and welcome back to the Crime Blotter, where ice picks are a girl's best friend! You know, normally I try to keep the topic here focused on Brooklyn crime, but every once in a while, I'll come across the story of a criminal so stupid, brazen or just plain bizarre that I include it as a shining reminder of the fact that dumbass-ery knows no zip code.

Welcome, Crime Fans, to an all-new Crime Blotter! You know, once upon a time, not so long ago, a telephone was just something you used to keep in touch with friends, loved ones, and that weird guy who works the sorbet kiosk at Dairy Queen. But today, it's not uncommon to find a phone so technologically advanced that even George Jetson would be reduced to a puddle of drooling, twitching human mush simply by gazing in its general direction. What, with all the GPS components, digital cameras, e-mail and mobile internet, today's cell phones are growing more clever and sophisticated by the hour. And, in fact, I'm sure it's a mere matter of weeks before they rise up and destroy us all. Let's see, if I remember those instructional movies they showed us in high school computer science class correctly, the machines' first strike will be when they send Arnold Schwartzenegger back in time to kill Marty McFly. After that, there's a commercial break, and then it's pretty much all downhill from there. Hey, speaking of things going downhill, the Crime Blotter is where each week, we take a look at Brooklyn's villains, good guys, victims, dumb asses and straight up crazies. After the jump: Foot Brawl!

Howdy, Crime Fans, and Happy Valentine’s Day! As you all know, Valentines Day is the day when men everywhere pledge their undying love to that special lady in their lives by presenting her with sexy lingerie that just screams, “Yeah, I guess this is about as close to hooking up with Adriana Lima as I'm ever gonna get.” But what you may not know is that Valentine’s Day is also the only holiday we Americans celebrate by giving each other candy snacks in the shape of a vital internal organ…which is sad, because who among us hasn't longed to experience the simple joy of receiving a box of love-handle shaped chocolates for Thanksgiving, or a box of enlarged liver shaped mints for New Year’s Eve? Oh well, a guy can dream, can't he? Here's to love, romance and hot supermodel chicks on TV. Hey, speaking of people you see on television, the Crime Blotter is where each week, we take a look at Brooklyn's villains, good guys, victims, dumb asses and straight up crazies. After the jump: Badfellas…

Hello crime fans, and welcome to another chock-full-o-mischief edition of the Crime Blotter, where the key to a man's heart is a hockey mask and an axe! You know, at 28 years old, I don't feel it's an exaggeration to say that I've learned pretty much everything there is to know in the world. And chief among those myriad life lessons is that as you get older, women get much more demanding. I mean, you put all this effort into planning a nice romantic dinner for two, and suddenly the dollar menu isn't good enough for them anymore! Sorry, ladies, but this is the real world, and we can't all live that glamorous, Olive Garden-hopping lifestyle that every girl fantasizes about. Chicks, huh? Can't live with ‘em, can't…well…you know. And speaking of things you can't live without, the Crime Blotter is where each week, we take a look at Brooklyn's villains, good guys, victims, dumb asses and straight up crazies. After the jump: The Sound And The Fury…